Catharsis
by kyoshiya
Summary: Gintoki's death happens. Hijikata is trying to find a way to save him by being involved in a chaotic time traveling situation. Will Gintoki be saved by Hijikata or not?
1. Feeling of Salvation

**Hello everyone! I'm sorry that I have been kind of inactive ^^" My summer has been busy and I didn't really have the time to work on a new fanfic =/ But well I'm still in summer break and I had some free time, so I decided to work on this! Yeah, I decided I would now do a sad fanfic. A sad GinHiji one. Well in this fanfic, it's more like HijiGin haha. (GinHiji/HijiGin fans, please don't hate me OTL) I'm not going to spoil if this fanfic will have a happy or sad ending so you should keep reading if you want to find out :) This fanfic was inspired by the kpop music video, VIXX's Eternity by the way. If you have not watched it, I suggest you please watch it! It's such a beautiful music video *_* I have been so obsessed with VIXX, so their newest music video which is Eternity gave me new ideas for this GinHiji fanfic :D Thanks VIXX! :)**

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Days of Shinsengumi work would usually go normal for Hijikata.  
...Except for today.

The Shinsengumi's demonic vice commander was roaming around, perplexed of where to go home since well...  
he lost his car while on patrol.

"God damn Sougo! Fucking taking away my car!"

Angrily biting on his last cigarette, he kept mumbling some ominous death curses dedicated to Sougo while still confused of the way home. As he was trying to find his way home, he had to run into the last person he would ever want to meet...the silver perm-headed bastard, is what Hijikata prefers to call him.

The cigarette from Hijikata's mouth fell down onto the ground.

"Y-You..."  
"Oh...well what do we have here."

Gintoki was nonchalantly sucking on his bottle of strawberry juice while staring at Hijikata with his dead fish eyes. You could see nerves popping on Hijikata's pissed off face at this point. "Get out of my face before I claw your stupid face out." Hijikata bit down on his cigarette to hold down his murderous intent for Gintoki. "Now now, calm down. I'm here to help you." "...What?" "The super sadist told me to come here." "Sougo?... Why would he..." Gintoki pulled Hijikata's hand towards his scooter. "Quit blabbering and just come along." "Y-you! Stupid perm head! LET GO OF ME!" Hijikata pushed Gintoki away and he eventually landed on the ground.

Suddenly, a splat of red came out of Gintoki's mouth. Hijikata's eyes widened. "W-Wait...are y...ou ok...? ISN'T THAT BLOOD?!" Laughter burst out from Gintoki. "W-What's so funny?! I'm here worrying about you, you bastard!" "Dumb idiot. I didn't finish eating my ohhh-sooo-sweettt strawberry juice and you just suddenly push me down." Gintoki glared at Hijikata with a deathly glare. "...How rude of you, hm?" "Isn't strawberry juice supposed to be...well...PINK?" "Hmph! There's many types of strawberry juice, you know! Well of course you wouldn't know. Since you're always fantasizing about your stupid mayonnaise, you stupid mayora." Hijikata let out a deep sigh. "Why am I even wasting my energy arguing over such a stupid argument with a dumbass like you?" "Oh? Fine, good luck finding your way home, you bastard." Gintoki hopped onto his scooter, wore his helmet and was about to ride off leaving Hijikata.

"A-Ahhh! NOOO WAITTT!" Hijikata ran to Gintoki. After he arrived to him, he took a moment to take a breath. "Haaa? What do you w-"

Hijikata dropped onto the ground with his knees making an embarrassed face.

Hijikata put on a crooked smile; a smile that didn't even look like a smile but instead looked like he didn't want to smile at all and just made some fucked up looking smile to get the situation over with, and hit his down immediately onto the ground. At this point, he didn't care about his pride anymore of winning over his stupid fights with Gintoki. He was sick and tired of being lost and just wanted to get home already. "I-I'm sorryyy! TAKE ME HOMEEEE!" Gintoki was cracking up, which was an expected reaction in this situation. Hijikata gave him a death glare as if wanting to kill him on the spot. He KNEW he would regret his actions that he just did to Gintoki.

Gintoki calmed down after hysterically laughing. "...Fine. Hop on." Hijikata raised his head up and stared at him with his surprised eyes. "W-What did you just say?" "I said fine. You can come with me." "Y-You're not going to play a prank on me, are you? You're not going to just kick me off when I hop on then leave me, are you?! ...Or are you going to just to kick me off while you're riding? Or**—**" Gintoki interrupted Hijikata and pulled him behind him on his scooter. "Shut up already." Gintoki started his scooter. "Hold on to me tight unless you want to fall off." Before Hijikata could make a decision, the scooter had already started moving. "A-Ahhh!" Hijikata almost fell off, but luckily he grabbed behind Gintoki's kimono. "HERE! I'M HOLDING ON TO YOU, YOU BASTARD!" "WHAT THE?! HOW AM I GOING TO DRIVE LIKE THIS! YOU'RE CHOKING MEEEE!" "Too bad, deal with it! There isn't any other way to hold onto you anyway!" "There is." "Huh?! What are you talking about?!"

He felt Gintoki's hand touch his hand. Hijikata's hand was moved towards Gintoki's waist and was holding on to it by Gintoki. "This way." Hijikata remained speechless for a long moment. "You..." "Get your other hand." "Why should I..." "Do you want to get kicked off?" "...Tch." Hijikata slowly took his up shaking hand; the shaking hand that was hesitant to go towards Gintoki's waist to hold onto it. Hijikata's shaking hand eventually reached Gintoki's waist. Hijikata held onto him. "Are you happy now?" "...Your hands are warm." Hijikata was staring blankly up at the sky. "...What's your problem..." Gintoki didn't reply.

Throughout the rest of the ride, there was only silence between them. Finally, Hijikata eventually spoke up. "Hey...this doesn't look like my way home. Are you sure this is the right way to Shinsengumi Headquarters? You're not lost, are you?" "Nope." "...Why have you been so quiet by the way? Are you sick or something? You would usually open your stupid loud mouth all the time, wouldn't you?" Gintoki didn't answer back. The sight of his whole back made Hijikata kind of nervous. It was like a strange aura was surrounding Gintoki. "Isn't the scenery beautiful?" That answer that came out of nowhere startled Hijikata. "I wanted to go on a ride with you...is that so wrong?" Hijikata tightened his grip around Gintoki's waist. "What...seriously is your problem?..." Gintoki coughed. "...Since I don't have much time...I thought I might as well do what I want." "Ah? You coughed. So you're actually sick?" Gintoki chuckled. "Yeah...you could say that." Gintoki continuously kept coughing. "Hey! are you ok?!" A splat of blood came out of Gintoki's mouth. "Hey! ANSWER M-" Then, more blood came choking out of Gintoki. He could no longer keep on driving. The scooter skidded and was eventually about to fall. Hijikata jumped off Gintoki's scooter and grabbed Gintoki along with him.

"HEY! WAKE UP! HEY!" Hijikata was panicking while holding tightly onto the dilapidated Gintoki. "Hijikata..." "DON'T SPEAK! YOU'RE ALREADY IN BAD CONDITION!" Hijikata struggled to stand up while trying to carry Gintoki on his back. Gintoki was so heavy for him. "Hold on, I'm going to take you to a hospital..." Suddenly, Hijikata felt himself being pulled behind by a force. The force was from Gintoki.

He made Hijikata face him and kissed him for a long while. Gintoki slowly took his own lips away after the kiss. After that, Hijikata stood still not knowing what to say with his blood stained lips from Gintoki's kiss. "...You..." Gintoki slowly raised up his trembling hand to touch Hijikata's lips and smiled. "I'm sorry I stained your lips...you...stupid bastard..." Gintoki chuckled. Hijikata went back to his senses after staying silent while being in shock. "Now isn't the time to apologize to me, dumbass!" Hijikata then continued trying to carry Gintoki on his back. "Hey, shut up ok, I'll take you to a hospital!" "Hijikata...that kiss to you was my wish before I died...You better be grateful, asshole..." "I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP! ARE YOU DEAF OR WHA**—**"

Hijikata heard a loud thump on the ground. Hijikata froze for a moment. He slowly turned back to see Gintoki. His hand was where the loud thump sound came from, which Hijikata expected. "Hey...wake up. What are you sleeping here for? Hey-" Hijikata laid Gintoki on the ground. He was in a state of coherent shock. Gintoki's pale face with his eyes closed and still body made Hijikata really worried. "Hey...wake up...stop joking around...This isn't funny, you know..." After a long minute of silence with no reply from Gintoki, Hijikata's worries grew and grew. He tried to feel Gintoki's heartbeat.

It wasn't beating...

Hijikata was traumatized.

**To Be Continued**


	2. Rescue

In case some of you don't know this word; (this word will be used in this chapter):

**Danna: the word Okita usually uses to call Gintoki; Danna means "boss."**

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Hijikata never expected this worst case scenario to happen. He didn't predict even in the slightest that the person he "hates", where his hate was just actually the feelings of love he felt for him, would turn out like this. He has realized after he met this person, he has been wandering through the rest of his life being not pessimistic of him at all. He realized how cruel life can be sometimes. Hijikata thought to himself as if he should believe "Expect the unexpected?" or is this just "fate?" He really didn't want to believe this was all happening. He wanted to believe it was all just a bad dream but however the raw touch he felt while touching Gintoki's body didn't feel like it was a dream.

Tears ran down the face of Hijikata. He slowly brought up the fragile dead body of Gintoki into his arms and hugged it tight. He wished time would somehow just freeze so he can stay in this moment forever; where he could not go forward after this moment.

"Hijikata-san."

That voice he heard was familiar; he knew exactly who it was.

Okita calmly walked to Hijikata as if not panicking at the situation of Gintoki at all. "I knew the outcome." Hijikata looked back slowly and saw the unsurprised face of Okita. "...What bullshit are you talking about now?" "I'm saying Danna told me. He knew how bad his condition was going to be... He asked me a favor to not tell you."

He grabbed the front of Okita's tied cravat in front of his Shinsengumi vest and pulled him close. "WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP HIM?!", as Hijikata yelled with a deep loud voice mixed with the raspy tone from his crying that screamed out to the still unsurprised Okita. He then grabbed Hijikata's hand and pushed it away.

"I'm envious of you, Hijikata-san... that someone like Danna would even beg down to his knees for someone like you."

Hijikata's tears stopped. He thought to himself that his tears has probably ran out for him from too much crying.

"There's a way to save him."

Hijikata can't believe he heard those words. He thought those words would hold impossible meaning for this situation right now. "Hey... this isn't the time to be spouting out nonsense." Hijikata had very menacing aura around him to Okita. Much more of a menacing aura then he has ever sensed of Hijikata before.

"Hijikata-san... have you ever heard of 'Equivalent Exchange'?" "...No. Why?" "If you have a wish to obtain something, something of equal value to that wish must be exchanged." "...That sounds like some ominous crap." "Sadly, it isn't crap, Hijikata-san."

For a sudden moment after Okita said that, Hijikata couldn't believe what he saw. It all happened so fast for him.

A sight of Okita being stabbed through by his own sword with his own hands was seen.

Hijikata dropped down to the ground with his own knees. His blue eyes turned paler and paler while staring at Okita. He reached out his trembling hand trying to touch Okita's face. "...S-Sougo?... What..." Blood came gushing out of Sougo's mouth and his wound from stabbing himself. "...Hijikata-san... save Danna... I'm doing this... for him... not for you at all... so don't get..." Okita's voice became weaker and weaker. "ahead of yourself..." **"Sougo... _SOUGO!_"** Hijikata kept shaking Sougo as if he had a absolute belief that Okita would not be dead. He did not believe Okita would die on this spot. "Just shut the fuck up Sougo... SHUT... THE FUCK UP!..." Hijikata couldn't stop crying. Okita put out all his last strength to laugh. The laugh came out weaker and weaker as he laughed more and more. "Hijikata... san... I can't believe... you're crying..." Okita's eyes eventually slowly closed and collapsed onto the ground.

With Gintoki's death that happened, Hijikata has already experiened enough pain. Now for Okita too... Hijikata just didn't even know what to do anymore.

He thought all he could do right now was cry. He felt so useless. He felt his existence was now just simply meaningless.

He sure agreed he's been a huge bastard all his life, that he couldn't be forgiven for all the disgusting things he's done, and wondered if this was just karma coming back at him. He wondered why he couldn't be the one to suffer because of his own sins instead? Why did people that were close to him had to suffer because of him too?

Hijikata, with his knees trembling on the cold hard ground, with the dead bodies of Gintoki and Okita in front of him, didn't even know what to feel at this moment.  
Sad? Regretful? That he deserved this?

All these feelings kept inside him eventually led to one feeling he felt; that he should just end his own suffering. He grabbed his own sword kept to the side of him and pulled it out of its sheath. Just when he was about to end his own life, a blank white space appeared around him. Gintoki and Okita both disappeared simultaneously in front of him.

"What's going on...?" He dropped down his own sword from the shock he felt in this situation.

"Toshiro-san."; the soft voice of those words Hijikata heard; he immediately recognized it.

A sudden pale and light figure appeared in front of him; Mitsuba. She looked like she was about to fade any minute though. He thought was this Mitsuba a spirit from the dead coming back to visit him? That she came back to him as a spirit for the hatred she felt for him? That she can't rest in peace because of him?

Her smile shined brightly. She was wearing her ordinary kimono she usually wears; her favorite one. Her short socks worn with her usual geta. Her hands held together right in front of her in such a graceful manner. Standing straight and looking directly at Hijikata.

Hie looked straight at her. "...I don't deserve to have your presence in front of me." "Toshiro-san. Please don't say that..." Mitsuba walked forward and kneeled down. "W-Wait! What are you doing?!..." She slowly took together his hands and held them in her hands. "I have come here to help you. ...Let me explain... I don't have much time." Hijikata saw that her presence began fading more slowly and slowly.

"My younger brother, Sougo, sacrificed his life to save you. I have appeared here in front of you based on one of his requests before he died. Sougo explained to you the meaning of "Equivalent Exchange" to you, did he not? The meaning of it...do you remember?" Hijikata went back through his memories in his mind. He finally remembered. He soon went pale after the memory became clear to him. "Don't... tell me..." A horrified expression was wore on Hijikata's face. He couldn't believe that he hasn't figured out the situation until now.

Mitsuba nodded. "Yes. 'If you have a wish to obtain something...something of equal value to that wish must be exchanged.' That is the meaning of "Equivalent Exchange". Sougo's wish was to let you have your wish of bringing back the dead of the person special to you come true. The equal value of that wish is one's life to be exchanged. He accomplished that wish for you." Hijikata felt dizzy. He felt his heart hurting. He felt horrible. "Don't say anything anymore..." "His other wish of bringing me to you was also completed of his exchanged life. Although I can be considered as the dead brought back to life, I'm not fully brought back alive since his main wish was for your wish and not for his wish of me, Toshiro-san. ...Now for the main point."

Mitsuba held onto Hijikata's hands even tighter. "Toshiro-san... you will involve yourself in time traveling." He felt his mind not agreeing to those words. "What do you mean? Time traveling? Nonsense... That crap isn't real." He angrily took one of his hands away from her fingers. "Why the hell would I time travel?!" "...To save Sakata-san." Hijikata, still angry, grabbed onto her shoulders. _**"WHAT?!"**_ "You will time travel back in time to save Sakata-san. The problem is that when you time travel, it is highly likely that you will not arrive at the exact time and date of today back when Sakata-san is about to die. You will most likely arrive far back into the past before you met Sakata-san, or a time during the period of when Sakata-san is still alive, but the date is far from this incident of Sakata-san's death, or maybe way into the future... you will never know what time and date you will arrive during your time traveling. You get to only spend one day in each place you time travel into. Your only hope is luck that you will arrive at the time and date you want in order to save Sakata-san."

Hijikata clenched his shaking fists. "...I can't do anything to save Sougo?" Mitsuba looked down, as if she was trying to hide her saddened expression. "Sadly... something that is exchanged in 'Equivalent Exchange' can never be brought back." He gritted down his teeth to hold back his anger. Tears couldn't stop falling down Hijikata's face.

Mitsuba slowly lifted up her right hand to wipe away Hijikata's tears on his right cheek. The touch was so warm to him. His anger decreased after that touch; It was as if her elegant touch soothed his pained heart.

"Toshiro-san... your chances in this time traveling situation is endless. There are no limited chances. You can try as many times as you want."

The bottom of Mitsuba disappeared; _**"MITSUBA!"**_ Hijikata stood up and tried to hold onto her which he tried his best to believe that she was a real person; he really did; however the sad truth hit him; he couldn't even hold onto her; his hands went right through the fading spirit of Mitsuba.

"So please don't give up... Toshiro-san." Tears trickled down Mitsuba's face along with her smile before she completely disappeared.

**To Be Continued**


	3. Entwined

After Mitsuba disappeared, a huge blank white space appeared around him. No sign of Gintoki's body were in sight.

His head felt dizzy. He dropped down onto his knees and grabbed onto his dizzy head. It was beginning to ache. "Is the time traveling starting already?..."

After several seconds, his body dropped immediately down onto the ground. He looked around him. Kabukicho.  
Hijikata immediately stood up. He was hoping to himself that the best would happen. That he would meet Gintoki before his death happened right now and save him. He still had a bit of faith inside him that everything was going to be all right.

He quickly ran straight to the Yorozuya, frantically ran up the stairs, and repeatedly banged loudly on the door. "YOROZUYA! YOROZUYA! YOROZUYA!"

"Ahhh... Geez. Who the fuck is it?" A slightly relieved smile appeared on Hijikata as he heard that familiar voice. As the door opened, a guy with a messed up silver permed head with one sleepy eye opened and the other closed in his strawberry patterned pajamas while yawning appearing as if he just came out of bed appeared in front of him.

Hijikata grabbed onto his arm. "Stop standing there looking stupid and come with me!" Gintoki stood there with no expression. Hijikata tugged his hand as he walked down the stairs. "Come o-" "Excuse me." Hijikata slowly turned around.

"But...may I ask who you are?" Hijikata's eyes grew wide as he heard that sentence. His hand slowly dropped away from Gintoki's hand.

Gintoki scratched his head. "Uh... are you perhaps... a past customer of mines? But I forgot you?... Ummmm..." Gintoki began picking his nose and flicked his booger down on the ground. "But I don't seem to remember you...You don't seem familiar. Or maybe I just have crappy memory..." Hijikata laid himself against the wall of the Yorozuya building.

He slowly reached into his pocket to get a cigarette out from his cigarette pack. As he reached in, he forgot that he has run out of cigarettes. "...How fucking great..."

"But you...seem to know me very well. May I ask how you know me?" As Gintoki was waiting for a reply, he saw tears slowly dripping down from Hijikata's eyes.

Hijikata covered his crying eyes and tried to wipe away his tears with the sleeve of his Shinsengumi jacket. "I'm so fucking pathetic..."

He then turned around from Gintoki. "...I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'll leave now." As he began to walk down the stairs, he felt Gintoki's hand grab onto his shoulder and forced his body to turn around.

"...What are you doing?" "I...really don't know myself." Gintoki stared blankly at Hijikata's face. "Can you please answer my question?"

Hijikata pushed away Gintoki's hand off him. "Just forget about it."

Gintoki became persistent and kept pulling Hijikata back. "Why? Did I make you mad?" As Gintoki saw tears in Hijikata's eyes, Gintoki kept staring at him. He seemed mesmerized by those blue eyes of Hijikata. "Somehow when I saw you crying...I felt a pain in my heart." Gintoki leaned in closer to Hijikata. "...Like this was all already planned out..." Hijikata's eyes and Gintoki's eyes met with each other during a moment of silence. Several seconds after, Gintoki's words broke that silence. "So...why don't you do a little explaining to me? I think I deserve to know as the person who made you cry." Hijikata stared at Gintoki with sadness in his eyes. "I'm sure you won't believe me." Gintoki chuckled. "Yeah, I think I won't believe what you will say. But it won't hurt me to listen, now would it?"

Gintoki pulled Hijikata into the Yorozuya house. "Come on."

Hijikata didn't try to fight back. Even though he was saddened of the situation of arriving at a very horrible time and date, he still wanted to feel the presence of Gintoki with him. That warmness of Gintoki's hands made this situation a little more bearable.

Hijikata sat down on the couch with Gintoki sitting across from him. "It would be better to have a cigarette with me while talking but basically..." Hijikata kind of hesitated to talk. "I came from the future to save you." He sat there while staring blankly at Hijikata. "Why save me?" "From your death." "Why would you go this far for me?" "...That's something the past you does not need to know." "What?" Gintoki gave a smirk to Hijikata. "It seems to me that you and I had some kinky shit going on or something like that?" "Assume whatever you want." Gintoki pushed Hijikata down on the couch. "Tell me." "...Figure that out for yourself."  
Hijikata pushed him away. "Just listen to me and come with m-" He felt a strong force pulling him down than before and before he realized, he was up close to Gintoki's face.  
"You expect me to believe all that crap you said without some evidence?" Hijikata had a lifeless expression on him as if he didn't care about anything anymore. His pale face wanted to collapse because of how worn out he was from what he has went through until now. "If you think all I said was some crap, then why are you still wanting to know? Let me fucking go!" "Tell me." "JUST LET ME FUCKING GO ALREADY!" Gintoki went silent and stared at Hijikata with a shocked expression. "LET ME FUCKING GO...AND LET ME DIE!" Hijikata pushed away Gintoki. He took out his sword and held it up to Gintoki who was sitting on top of him. "Use this sword and kill me!"

Tears once again dripped down from Hijikata's pale cheeks.

Gintoki stared down at him. "Stop." "...What?" "Stop crying." Hijikata smirked. "I'm pathetic for a man, aren't I?"

Gintoki pushed Hijikata down onto the ground and held captive of Hijikata's hands tightly. "I TOLD YOU TO STOP CRYING!" Hijikata was startled. "I...I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY I'M FEELING LIKE THIS..." Gintoki's hands was trembling as he held Hijikata down onto the ground. "MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST...AS IF...I'M SCARED OF SEEING YOU CRY..." He looked down onto Hijikata's teary eyes. "CAN YOU EXPLAIN...TO ME ABOUT THAT?..." He took his hand to feel Hijikata's pale cheek. "G...Gintoki...?" Gintoki leaned in closer with his lips closer to Hijikata's lips.

"I don't know why... but I just can't leave you alone. Like I can't resist you."

Hijikata stared at him. Tears stopped coming out from his eyes. Gintoki's lips eventually touched his.  
After a passionate kiss, Gintoki yearned for more. "...I don't think you and I have a relationship as just friends, do we?"  
Gintoki gently held onto Hijikata's right cheek with his right palm. "I just kissed a guy after all. I don't think I'm gay... I guess you're an exception?" Hijikata smiled as he held back onto Gintoki's hand. "Just stay here with me for today."

"Just for today?" "I'll disappear after today." "Oh, really?"

Gintoki looked at Hijikata as he gripped tightly onto Hijikata's hand. Gintoki was truly captivated by Hijikata as he always was from the start when he saw him for the very first time.

"I think that beautiful face is going to cause me a lot of trouble today." Gintoki smiled while looking at Hijikata.

Hijikata laughed. "...Bastard..."


End file.
